When your baby dies

Whether a baby or twin baby dies due to miscarriage, a painful decision to end the pregnancy, is stillborn, or lives for only a short time, it can be a devastating loss. The death of a baby is a particular kind of grief and the intensity of love parents feel for their baby is not measured by how long the baby lived, but in the emotional investment they have in their child.

For parents and the wider family, expecting to welcome a new life and instead facing the reality that their baby has not lived, can be immensely difficult and trying to find answers as to why it has happened can feel very important. This may be something medical staff can tell you, but sometimes there is no clear answer, which can be very difficult to deal with and if you have given birth to your baby, you may still experience all the normal bodily post-natal reactions but without your baby, which can be a devastating reminder of your loss.

Saying goodbye to your baby

Trying to make decisions after your baby has died may feel almost impossible, but it is important to ask for support from your GP, the hospital, or a funeral director so that you know what the options are. When grieving, it can help to feel that you were supported at the time to make important decisions around saying goodbye to your baby.

How you and your partner may grieve

You will both be grieving the loss of your baby but some partners may grieve differently. One of you might be torn between your own grief and your concern for your partner and for others their grief can be overlooked by others who focus only on the birth mother, for example.

Explaining the loss to other children

If you have other children, you may focus on their needs or worry about how to explain miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of a newborn baby to them, and how they might react. Children’s understanding of death at different ages differs, but all children need honest, clear information about what has happened and for their routines to remain as close to normal as possible. They also need reassurance that it is OK for them and for you to have different feelings at different times, including being sad, confused, angry and happy.

Building memories and connections

If your baby has died before they were born or around the time of birth, images or video from scans, or photographs of your baby can become precious mementos, and these may help build memories a lasting connection with your baby. Memory boxes or folders can help keep important memories and mementos together, such as foot and handprints, a lock of hair, or a written description of what your baby looked like; These can capture a memory of their life, however short, and can give you a focus for your grief.

Looking after yourself

Looking after yourself, and maintaining your physical wellbeing, may feel difficult or unimportant, but can help you to manage some aspects of grieving and coping with life.

You may need to grieve alone at times. You may also need to share your grief with other people and talk about your child. Other people may be able to listen or help you to manage practicalities and everyday routines. Some parents find reading about other’s experiences or books and support literature helpful, or to share by joining a support group. Even if talking about your grief feels too difficult, any positive contact with other people can help you feel less alone.

Returning to work after a baby has died

Returning to work after the death of your baby can be daunting, so we have produced some suggestions and guidance for employees returning to work after a baby or child has died.

Expecting another baby after your baby or child has died

Expecting a baby after your baby or child has died can be an emotionally heightened experience and feelings may be complicated and confusing. Bereaved parents we have supported who have had another baby tell us that love is not a finite thing and it is possible to love your new child while also remembering your child with both love and sadness. It can help to recognise that this is a different pregnancy with a different child and that both children are important to you and that your love for them is equal.

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Telling a child that someone has died

It is important to tell a child of any age when someone important in their lives has died, and ideally this is done by someone who is closest to them.
Supporting bereaved children and young people

Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. Find out how you can help them and more about child grieving.
Grieving for a child of any age

The agony of losing a child of any age is unparalleled. There is no age or point in time that makes it any easier. No parent expects to face the death of their child and no grandparent expects to lose their grandchild.
When a grandparent dies - the impact on children and young people

The death of a grandparent is often a child or young person’s first encounter with the death of someone important. Parents have a great deal to manage when their own parent or carer dies. There is the grief associated with their own loss, but also the reactions and responses of their children to the death of a grandparent.
Children's understanding of death at different ages

Babies and young children have no understanding of the concept of death yet, long before they are able to talk, babies are likely to react to upset and changes in their environment brought about by the absence of a significant person.
Child Bereavement UK training

Child Bereavement UK designs and delivers training for professionals in health and social care, education, the emergency services and the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families.
Contact us

Contact one of the Child Bereavement UK centres or get in touch with one of our departments.
When your baby dies

When a baby lives only a short time or dies before birth due to miscarriage, stillbirth or a painful decision to end the pregnancy, people may assume that the loss is not important. This is simply not the case.
UK death & bereavement statistics

A parent of children under 18 dies every 22 minutes in the UK; around 23,600 a year. This equates to around 111 children being bereaved of a parent every day.
Sudden death - including accidents, suicide and homicide

Bereavement can be devastating in any situation, but a sudden death brings additional layers of shock, horror or disbelief. We can help, find out more here.