When your baby dies

When a baby lives only a short time or dies before birth due to miscarriage, stillbirth or a painful decision to end the pregnancy, people may assume that the loss is not important. This is simply not the case. The intensity of love parents feel for their baby is not measured by how long the baby lived, but in the emotional investment, they have in their child.

For parents expecting to welcome a new life, fnstead facing the reality that their baby has not lived can be immensely difficult. Finding answers to why it has happened can be very important, and this may be something medical staff can tell you, but sometimes there is no clear answer.

If you have physically given birth to a baby, you will still experience all the normal bodily post-natal reactions but without the baby, which may be devastating.

When your baby dies – a particular kind of grief

Partners can grieve differently

Partners both grieve for their baby, but some might be torn between their own grief and concern for their partner. For some partners, their grief can be overlooked by others who focus only on the birth mother.

Women, men and grief

Trying to make decisions after your baby has died may feel almost impossible, but it is important to ask for support from your GP, the hospital or a funeral director so that you know what the options are. When grieving, it can help to feel that you were supported at the time to make important decisions.

Saying goodbye to your baby or child

Explaining to children

If you have other children, you may focus on their needs or worry about how they might react. Children of all ages need honest, age-appropriate information about what has happened and normal routines as far as possible. They also need reassurance that it is OK for them and for you to have different feelings at different times, including being sad, confused, angry and happy.

Explaining miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of a newborn baby to a young child

> Telling a child that someone has died

What may help

Time alone and with others

You may need to grieve alone at times. You may also need to share your grief with other people, and talk about your child, perhaps over and over again. Other people may be able to listen, share their grief also or help you to manage practicalities and everyday routines. Even if talking about your grief feels too difficult, any positive contact with other people can help you feel less alone. Over time, your needs may change, and noting down any changes may help you feel a bit more in control.

Looking after yourself may feel difficult or unimportant, but it can help you to manage some aspects of grieving and coping with life.

Building memories and connections

If your baby has died before they were born or around the time of birth, scan images or photographs can become precious mementos, and these may help build a lasting connection with your baby. Foot and hand prints, a lock of hair or a written description of what your baby looked like can capture a memory of their life, however short, and can give you a focus for your grief.

A memory folder can help keep important memories and mementos together. Available from Child Bereavement UK. To order please email [email protected] or call 01494 568917.

A memory box is larger than a folder and can store many special items together in one place. Available from Child Bereavement UK. To order please email [email protected] or call 01494 568917.

Some parents find other people’s stories helpful to read or to share by joining a parents support group (see the section Finding support).

Finding support

Everyone is different in what they need and there are no rules on how to grieve. You may have lots of supportive people around you, but even so, you may feel you need additional support.

Latest

Please give £8 to help bereaved families rebuild their lives

When a child grieves or when a child dies, lives are shattered. Please give £8 to support our work for one minute.
Nick
Ian
Working in a service for bereaved children and young people (4 day course)

13 February 2020, Leeds

Genevieve
Claudia Winkleman becomes Patron of Child Bereavement UK

Claudia Winkleman has become a Patron of Child Bereavement UK, a charity which supports families and educates professionals both when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying, and when a child is facing bereavement.
Telling a child that someone has died

It is important to tell a child of any age when someone important in their lives has died, and ideally this is done by someone who is closest to them.
Supporting bereaved children and young people

Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. They copy the responses of the adults around them, and rely on adults to provide them with the support.
When your baby dies

When a baby lives only a short time or dies before birth due to miscarriage, stillbirth or a painful decision to end the pregnancy, people may assume that the loss is not important. This is simply not the case.
Royal Patron: HRH The Duke of Cambridge

HRH The Duke of Cambridge has been Royal Patron of Child Bereavement UK since 2009.
Grieving for a child of any age

The agony of losing a child of any age is unparalleled. There is no age or point in time that makes it any easier. No parent expects to face the death of their child and no grandparent expects to lose their grandchild.
What we offer

We are recognised as the leading provider of training for professionals working with bereaved families.
What we do

Our vision is for all families to have the support they need to rebuild their lives, when a child grieves or when a child dies.
UK death & bereavement statistics

A parent of children under 18 dies every 22 minutes in the UK; around 23,600 a year. This equates to around 111 children being bereaved of a parent every day.