There is no time limit on grief.  When someone close to you dies it can stay with you for the rest of your life but it can get easier with time.  It doesn’t go away but most young people say that over time they are able to handle it better’.

Sarah Darwen whose Dad died share her thoughts on what helped her:

You’ve just gone through, quite possibly, one of the worst experiences of your life. From now on, you have to focus on getting yourself back on tract. At first it will seem awful carrying on without the person you have lost. It may seem like a big gap in your life.

Friends and family

The death may well have affected people around you.

Supporting each other

As you’re all going through the same thing, it’s a good idea to talk to each other about your feelings. You can also have a good cry together and talk about the person you have lost. Remember, it’s important to have memories, so don’t be afraid to think and talk about the person who has died.


Some friends may feel awkward about talking to you. This could be because they don’t want to upset you, not because they are ignoring you. Try not to be upset about this. Instead, try to think how you would feel in their position. Some might think it’s all you want to talk about and this could be upsetting if you really don’t want to talk to anyone. Let them know when you don’t want to talk and when you do. It can be difficult to ask for a shoulder to cry on, but your friends will understand. That’s what friends are for.


Try to remember the person who has died. It may be painful at first, but memories are really important. Keep photographs, letters etc. It might be awful to look at them now, but in later years you will be so glad you have them.

Help from others

At the time of the death, most people will be very supportive, and rally around you. You will most likely get a lot more attention than you are used to. This is very nice and helpful at the time, but it will fade off later. Don’t forget that all these people have their own lives to get on with (and so have you). You may find it difficult without the extra help at first, but, with time, things will get easier for you.

Good and bad days

Sometimes you will have a really awful day when you feel you can’t cope. You will feel anxious, tearful and tired, as grief is very exhausting. But you will also get really great days when you feel very hopeful and optimistic. Right now you may be having more bad days than good, but this will reverse in time. Don’t feel guilty if you have a day when you don’t think about the person that died. You don’t have to be sad all the time! Give yourself permission to be happy.

The only thing that can really heal the pain of your grief is time. In a year, things could look very different, in five years... who knows? Look to the future, but don’t forget the past.