How to cope with your feelings

Whatever you feel is how you feel. You may experience nothing or a mixture of feelings all at once.

Young people supported by Child Bereavement UK share what has helped them. Could you draw your own lockdown kit?

Coping with lockdown: Top tips from other bereaved young people

Staying in touch:

“Stay in touch with friends by message, phone, social media or letter … Spend time with your family baking or playing board games for example.”

Keeping busy and learning new things:

“I have been studying the theory for driving”

“Baking as it is fun and it’s nice to do something for someone else to enjoy”

“Make the most of the free time to learn or try something new such as learn to play the ukulele”

“Music! Listening to or playing an instrument”

“Find time to relax, perhaps try gardening, writing, painting “

Exercise and getting outside

“I have been working out”

“Exercise daily - it gives you happy endorphins, even just walking”

“Running helps to clear my head and get my anger out in a productive way”

“One thing that is very good is going for a walk at sunset”

Time to think or be creative

“I have been painting, listening to music and singing”

“Start journaling: writing down your feelings, as through this time you can realise how you have grown as a person”

“Read, cutting off social media for an hour a day gives you time to expand your knowledge and delve into the character story.”

Look ahead and make plans

“I am planning a holiday with friends when this is over”

“Organise - as you now have time to sort everything out that you procrastinated!”

Other ideas for managing feelings

Spend time with people you feel comfortable with. Sometimes you may want to talk, other times you may not but sometimes just being with others who care about you can help.
It’s really normal and OK to feel angry but it’s important that you express it in a way that is safe for yourself and others.
Try talking to someone – perhaps someone you trust or who has been in a similar situation. You may find it easier to speak to friends rather than family and that’s OK.
Distract yourself, have fun and do things you enjoy – spend time with friends or pets, go outside, watch a good film or TV programme, play a computer game. You will have times when you don’t think about who has died and that is OK.
Write about or draw your thoughts, feelings and memories.
Create your own space. Somewhere to go where you can feel safe or spend time on your own.
Choose something that belonged to the person who died that you can treasure and keep with you
Create a memory box where you can keep photos or things that are special to you.
Listen to music that you like and that your special person enjoyed : make a special play list
Think about all of the good times you had with them.
Chatting with others in the same situation can help you remember you are not on your own.
Ask for help. This could be from someone at home, at school, your doctor or anyone else you trust.
Try watching a short film made by other bereaved young people (see below)
Try looking at a support website or contacting a support organisation

How does all this help me to feel better?

Young people we support tell us that doing different activities and trying new things can help in the following ways:

Exercise which helps to release feelings such as anger as well as releasing endorphins which can improve mood and make you feel happy
Doing fun things can feel like a reward you can give yourself for achieving something
Learn new skills
Important self-care
Opportunity to relax
Outside activities mean you are in fresh air which is good for you and makes you feel good
Is a reminder to give ourselves time to have fun and laugh
Chance to spent time with friends, socialising
A planned activity to look forward to
A distraction from grief and challenges in life
Motivating

> What helps to move forward?

< back to the path of grief

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Grief may not feel normal but it is. Everyone will grieve in their own way. You may experience all sorts of feelings or you may feel nothing.
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There is no time limit on grief. When someone close to you dies it can stay with you for the rest of your life but it can get easier with time.
Useful links

Here are some useful organisations that support children and young people

Telling a child that someone has died

It is important to tell a child of any age when someone important in their lives has died, and ideally this is done by someone who is closest to them.
Supporting bereaved children and young people

Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. Find out how you can help them and more about child grieving.
Grieving for a child of any age

The agony of losing a child of any age is unparalleled. There is no age or point in time that makes it any easier. No parent expects to face the death of their child and no grandparent expects to lose their grandchild.
When a grandparent dies - the impact on children and young people

The death of a grandparent is often a child or young person’s first encounter with the death of someone important. Parents have a great deal to manage when their own parent or carer dies. There is the grief associated with their own loss, but also the reactions and responses of their children to the death of a grandparent.
Children's understanding of death at different ages

Babies and young children have no understanding of the concept of death yet, long before they are able to talk, babies are likely to react to upset and changes in their environment brought about by the absence of a significant person.
Child Bereavement UK training

Child Bereavement UK designs and delivers training for professionals in health and social care, education, the emergency services and the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families.
Contact us

Contact details for our Helpline, departments and services.
When your baby dies

When a baby lives only a short time or dies before birth due to miscarriage, stillbirth or a painful decision to end the pregnancy, people may assume that the loss is not important. This is simply not the case.
Children's understanding of death at different ages

Guidance on children's understanding of death at different ages and stages of development.
UK death & bereavement statistics

A parent of children under 18 dies every 22 minutes in the UK; around 23,600 a year. This equates to around 111 children being bereaved of a parent every day.