Summary

We hope you have found this pre-course material useful and insightful. More importantly, we hope you feel a little more confident and competent to respond to one of the most demanding situations – the death of a baby or child.

It is for you to reflect on what you have learned, and what you are going to do differently in future. Remember there is a bank of helpful information for you and for families on Child Bereavement UK’s website and you can always call our Helpline in confidence on 0800 02 888 40 – or refer families to the line for guidance and support.

Here is a summary of the most important feedback that parents have given Child Bereavement UK:

Do

Let parents be with their child. Remember brothers and sisters
Treat parents equally, and involve them in important decisions
Recognise that men and women may often react differently
Refer to the child by name
Be factual
Tell the truth – and be honest about what you don’t know
Respect the fact that parents’ sense of duty to their child continues after death
Give parents permission to express their feelings
Allow time for parents to ask questions
Check that parents have understood what you have told them – clarify medical jargon
Enquire about the parents’ beliefs, what they need, what may be available
Reassure parents that their child’s body will be treated with respect and dignity during the post-mortem examination, and that nothing can be retained without their consent
Agree with parents when and where they will see you or a consultant again
Give parents your name and contact details in writing
Explain where support is available once back in the community and any available ongoing support from the hospital, local/national bereavement services/helplines and so on

Don’t

Hurry parents
“Protect” them from what is happening
Hide your emotions from parents
Assume that parents will understand everything you say or do: you’ll sometimes have to repeat the same explanation several different times
Assume that families know that everything possible has been done… if you don’t tell them
Use medical jargon
Rush away after giving bad news
Assume there is a right way to grieve

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