Emily was supported by Child Bereavement UK after her second daughter, Abbie, was stillborn.

My second pregnancy was entirely straightforward until I went to my 38-week routine antenatal appointment. Without warning, or, still, any known cause, I was told my baby had died. She was born, full-term, perfect and beautiful, two days later. I was in a strange, numb shock. Then that faded, and the reality oozed back that this was very shocking and terrible thing had happened – to me. It was then that I heard about Child Bereavement UK.

Lots of well-meaning people have told me that ‘time will heal’. I’m not sure that it does. I think it fades some of the colour from the memories but leaves the jagged edges and raw scars. I think time needs help and that’s how Child Bereavement UK has made the difference between then and now.

Child Bereavement UK has been able to tell me that all the messy and complicated feelings I've had are normal, and probably necessary.

The charity has been able to tell me that all the messy and complicated feelings and reactions I’ve had are normal, and probably necessary. They have reminded me that grief is exhausting and makes you feel powerless, but there are choices we can make about what we do and who we want to be.

The relationships I now have with close friends and family are better and stronger, because Child Bereavement UK has helped me to find manageable ways of talking to people about what happened and explaining what I need from them to support me. They have helped me consider how to talk to my oldest daughter about what happened to her little sister, and how to answer the difficult question at mother and toddler group, or when I returned to work: “How many children do you have?”. And I have been supported through the fears of the pregnancy ‘after’ – my third girl.

Through the support of Child Bereavement UK I have been able to find ways for my baby, and her death, to be a part of my life and my family’s life, without overwhelming me.

People often talk about finding a ‘new normal’ after their loss – in the ‘before’ time we were so very normal. The great skill and value of Child Bereavement UK is that now, sometimes, I can once again feel something like that again.”

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