Baháʼí Expand Beliefs about death and dying, and life after death A Baháʼí believer dies secure in the knowledge that the spiritual qualities they’ve acquired in their earthly life will accompany them into the next world – a spiritual eternity where much remains to be achieved, although not through association with a physical body which will be left behind and buried. Death in Baháʼí belief is “a messenger of joy” and not to be feared. Treatment of the body of the person who has died The body is treated with dignity and nothing done that will hurry its decomposition. Baháʼís are interred in a durable coffin within the earth and burial takes place within a few days of death. The grave is positioned with feet pointing toward the Qihlih, or most holy Shrine in Akká, where the prophet of the faith, Baháʼu'lláh, is buried. Rituals and customs around death and dying Bahá’u’lláh revealed a number of prayers for burial to choose from and only one of them is specified as essential to the ceremony. The Baháʼí service for the dead is as much for family and friends as for the deceased, giving them an opportunity to usher a newly-released soul from the confines and troubles of the physical world into the limitless and loving realms of spiritual existence. Support organisations UK Baháʼí Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: Padideh Sabeti, Director, Office of Public Affairs of the UK Bahá’í Community Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.
Buddhism Expand Beliefs about death and dying, and life after death Buddhists believe that nothing that exists is permanent and everything will ultimately cease to be. There is a belief in rebirth but not of a soul passing from one body to another. The rebirth is more a state of constantly changing being rather than a clear-cut reincarnation. The ultimate objective is to achieve a state of perfect peace and freedom. Buddhists try to approach death with great calmness, and an open-minded attitude of acceptance. Care of someone who is dying Rebirth is a significant belief in Buddhism. The state of mind of a person at the moment of death is considered important in determining rebirth. Buddhists generally like to have full information about their imminent death to enable them to make preparation, although this may vary. In order to maintain awareness and clarity, some Buddhists may wish to minimise the amount of sedatives or pain killing drugs administered at this time. A key consideration is to provide a calm, peaceful environment in the period leading up to a person dying. It is equally important to maintain this calm and peaceful environment in the hours (and days, if possible) after the person has “died”. Peace and quiet for meditation and visits from other Buddhists will be appreciated. Some form of chanting may be used to influence that state of mind at death so that it may be peaceful. End of life rituals Ideally, the person’s end of life and funeral ritual preferences should be discussed while they are still alive, for example the type of ceremony they’d like, burial, cremation or otherwise, and if they are affiliated with a particular Tradition, with specific practices around the dying process. If other Buddhists are not in attendance at the time of dying, then a Buddhist leader, or Community (“Sangha”), should be informed of the death as soon as possible. The invitation is to establish which, if any, Community/Tradition the person is connected to/associates with, before death. Where there is a need for a postmortem, there is unlikely to be any objection. However, there may be a wish that the process is compatible with maintaining a respectful and calm environment around the deceased. Rituals and customs around death and dying There are few formal traditions relating to funerals and they tend to be seen as non-religious events. For some Buddhists, cremation is considered an acceptable practice, and the service may be quite simple. It might be conducted by a senior member of that Community (“Sangha”). Support organisations Network of Buddhist Organisations The Buddhist Society Lasting Post - Etiquette for a Buddhist funeral Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: Amitaśūrī Yule, Chaplain/Spirituality and Wellbeing Practitioner, Stobhill and Gartnavel Royal Hospitals Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.
Caribbean communities Expand Treatment of the body of the person who has died In some Caribbean families, it is usual for the person who has died to be dressed in their best clothes and sometimes to have their hair done specially by a hairdresser. An open casket will usually be at the church so that family and friends can see them. Home viewing is less common these days. Rituals and customs around death and dying Some Caribbean people observe Nine Night, a pre-wake event which takes place on the ninth night after someone dies. It is an opportunity for family and friends to celebrate the life of the person who has died. Nine Night is not necessarily a faith-based event. Food specific to the family’s culture is prepared; hymns or songs are often sung, music the person enjoyed will be played and there may be dancing, which may be filmed in order to make memories. This music may often also be played at the event after the funeral which is known as the repast. To accommodate Nine Night and to allow family and friends to attend from different areas and parts of the world, some Caribbean funerals take place three to four weeks after the death. Funerals and other ceremonies Caribbean funerals are usually Christian and often include hymns, eulogies and sometimes slide shows and films. Some people like to drape flags over the casket, or have small hand-held flags. These may be the flag of the country in which they were born or where their family lived before coming to the UK. At the majority of burials, mourners bring shovels in the boot of their car in order to shovel earth onto the casket/coffin. Relatives and friends (usually the men) flatten the ground with the back of the shovel and their feet, making sure the earth securely covers the coffin. Often, a hat or cap is passed around for a monetary collection which is given to the grave diggers. It is customary to offer the undertakers, particularly those regularly used, a meal or a packed container with a selection of Caribbean dishes to take home. Mourners sing favourite gospel choruses around the graveside which are also known as revival hymns or popular graveside songs. Sometimes tambourines are used or a choir or steel band is booked. After the funeral there is a Funeral Repast. This usually involves food/a buffet provided by caterers and there will be a top table for the immediate family. The venue is quite often decorated in a style similar to a wedding in the person’s favourite colours. We had great support from our church family. Vivienne, who was supported by Child Bereavement UK with her granddaughter Shaneeka after her daughter Helen died Support organisations Caribbean & African Health Network Bereavement Services: Greater Manchester only African & African-Caribbean Counselling Service (Greenwich) Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: Marva Langevine, Grief Advocate, Founder of Guyana Golden Lives Organization Mrs Lorraine Rose Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.
Chinese communities Expand Beliefs, rituals and customs around death and dying Funeral traditions are observed strictly and not doing so is thought to bring bad luck on the family. Before the funeral, the family may contact a feng shui master to choose an auspicious time for the funeral and burial, and where possible a suitable site for burial or scattering of ashes. Funerals and other ceremonies Chinese funeral traditions and practices vary greatly according to the family’s religion, where their family origins are in China, the cause of death, and the age of the person who has died; a funeral for a child is likely to be very different to that of a grandparent or other older family member. The funeral usually takes place over seven days and there may be a formal ceremony on the seventh night after the death. The funeral starts with an event known as a shou ling. Family members take it in turns to sit with the person who has died. The person will be dressed in their best clothes or a traditional white robe; older people (aged over 80) may be dressed in red or brighter colours. At the shou ling, mourners bring food, incense, joss paper and white envelopes containing money as offerings. During the funeral service, the casket traditionally remains open. When the casket is closed, mourners will turn their back on it as it is believed that the spirit of anyone who sees the casket close will be trapped inside the coffin. During the funeral service, grieving families may burn incense and joss paper. Joss paper is typically made of bamboo or rice paper made to look like money, however it can also be made into paper houses, cars and other objects that the person may need in the afterlife. Incense and joss paper may also be burned at subsequent visits to the grave. During the funeral ceremony there may be chanting and prayers said which will vary according to the religion of the family (Taoist or Buddhist). Funeral guests give the grieving family money either at the funeral or on the day preceding the funeral. Traditionally this is given in odd numbered amounts in a white envelope. Cremation is common but it is not usual for ashes to be scattered, but rather they are split between family members or made into jewellery. If the funeral is that of a child or baby, the ceremony is held in silence. Length of and expectations around a mourning period Traditionally, grieving families may wear white, black or plain clothing for a month. In less traditional families, grieving families typically wear black. Some close family members may wear a white flower accessory for the first seven days after the death, which could be a hairpin or an item tied to a handbag. The period of mourning may vary between one month to three years depending on family origins in China and their relationship to the person who has died. Older generations may observe a traditional mourning period, called shǒusāng of one year or three years for a first-born son. During this period, they will limit their social activities and will not attend family occasions such as weddings and birthdays. Less traditional families, including their children, may stop going out for a few weeks to mark a period of mourning. Young engaged couples will be expected to reschedule their wedding to at least a year after the death when a grandparent or a parent dies. Ways of remembering someone who has died Ching Ming is a traditional Chinese festival which takes place in April in which people clean the graves of their ancestors. Families may burn incense and joss papers at their relative’s grave and bring food as a sign of reverence and respect. Ask! We don’t expect you to know the culture. Just ask sensitively if unsure. Pia Support organisations Chinese Information and Advice Centre Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: Pia Clay, Child Bereavement UK Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.
Christianity Expand Beliefs about death and dying, and life after death Christians believe in an afterlife and resurrection, but the beliefs around the afterlife vary within the different denominations, as do the rituals. Treatment of the body of the person who has died When someone dies, their body is usually taken to an undertaker who will carry out the necessary preparations for the body to be laid out. This is to enable those who wish to view the body to do so. Funerals and other ceremonies The funeral, organised by an undertaker, is usually within a few weeks of the death. This usually takes place in a church but sometimes a crematorium or a combination of the two. Wreaths or flowers may be placed on the coffin and it is traditional for attendees to wear black at a funeral, but this custom varies. The body will either be buried or cremated, dependent on the wishes of the person who has died and their family. A churchyard grave is often marked by a headstone, but for a cremation the family may choose a more informal way to mark where the ashes are buried or have been scattered. Some families keep the ashes, and some decide to scatter or bury them at a later date. They’re right with you but you just can’t see them but they’ll be there for the rest of your life watching after you and they’ll be with you forever. Shinobi, 11, who was supported by Child Bereavement UK after his grandmother died Catholic funerals Some families hold a Prayer Vigil also known as the Reception of the Body. This involves the coffin being taken to the church on the evening before the funeral. People gather together at the church to pray, including praying the Rosary. There may be music, readings and memories shared. Prayer vigils can also take place at home. A Catholic funeral is usually held in a church and includes a funeral mass which can include a requiem mass, eucharistic prayer and Holy Communion. In some cases, the funeral will take place without a mass. If the body of the person who has died was not received into the church the night before the funeral, the priest will greet mourners at the door and sprinkle the coffin with holy water before walking in front of the coffin to the altar. At the altar, family members may place a white cover called a pall on the coffin or put a cross or Bible on top. They may also add a photo or memorial card of the person who has died on a table close to the coffin. Prayers will be led by the priest and the funeral can last between 40 mins to two hours depending on what mass is said. At the end of the funeral there is a Final Commendation in which prayers are said. The priest will sprinkle holy water and pass incense over the coffin. While cremation is now acceptable in the Catholic faith, the Catholic church says it best for ashes to be buried rather than scattered. A wake takes place after the funeral at home or at a pub, restaurant or hotel. There may be a display of photos of the person who died and people will share memories. Support organisations and further information Talking about Dying Association of Christian Counsellors Lasting Post - Etiquette for a Church of England funeral Lasting Post - Etiquette for a Church of Scotland funeral Lasting Post - Etiquette for a Roman Catholic funeral Lasting Post - Etiquette for an Orthodox funeral The Art of Dying Well - Catholic burials and cremations The Art of Dying Well - A guide to Catholic funerals Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: The Art of Dying Well Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.
Hinduism Expand Beliefs about death and dying, and life after death Hindus believe in reincarnation and a cycle of rebirths. Funerals and other ceremonies A Hindu funeral is as much a celebration as a remembrance service. Hindus cremate their dead as it is the soul that has importance, not the body which is no longer needed. White is the traditional colour and mourners usually wear traditional Indian garments. (If you are attending the funeral and are not Hindu, it may be worth asking what appropriate dress will be.) During the service, offerings such as flowers or sweetmeats may be passed around and bells rung; sound is a part of the ritual. The chief mourner, usually the eldest son if there is one, and other male members of the family, may shave their heads as a mark of respect. In India, the chief mourner lights the funeral pyre. In the UK, in a crematorium, he will press the button for the coffin to move behind the curtain and, in some instances, may be permitted to ignite the cremator. In the UK women now also press the button for the coffin, i.e. daughters and other female family members, as traditions have been relaxed. Rituals and customs around death and dying Ashes may be taken back to India to be scattered on the River Ganges. In the UK, some areas of water have been designated as acceptable substitutes. Length of and expectations around a mourning period An intense period of mourning lasts for 13 days following the funeral and involves all family and friends. It is customary during this time for family and friends to show their respect by grieving with the family either at their home or at a chosen temple. The immediate family of the person who has died is considered to be in mourning for a year. During this time some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in events, festivals or social activities. We made his funeral more of a celebration of his life. KSAVI, who was supported by Child Bereavement UK after her baby son, Shivai, died aged eight months Support organisations Hindu Forum of Britain Hindu Council UK Lasting Post - Etiquette for a Hindu funeral Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: Suman Mumtaz, Child Bereavement UK Kavita Mehta, Child Bereavement UK
Humanism Expand Beliefs about death and dying, and life after death Humanists are non-religious. They follow the principle that this life is the only one we have and therefore, when you are dead, there is no moving on to another one. Funerals and ceremonies The focus of a Humanist funeral is on celebrating the life of the person who has died; stories are shared and memories recalled, and their favourite music may be played. The funeral can be led by friends and family who may be supported by a celebrant. The ceremony will be tailored to meet the family’s wishes rather than following a set pattern. Support organisations Humanists UK Lasting Post - Etiquette for a Humanist funeral We are currently seeking specialist input into this section. If you are working in the bereavement sector and have professional expertise in this area and would like to suggest ways to add to or improve this resource, please contact us on: [email protected] Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.
Irish Traveller and Romany Gypsy communities Expand Irish Travellers and Romany Gypsies are distinct ethnic groups with their own belief structures, languages and customs. They do share some similarities with regard to traditions around burying the dead however there are also many differences. This guide from Friends Families and Travellers; Cemeteries and Burial: Culture and Traditions for people from the Traveller Communities provides more detailed information. See also: It’s different without you by Carol Rogers - a free e-book designed to be used with children who need help to understand what death means, what to do and how they feel when someone dies. See also: Understanding Gypsy, Roma and Traveller communities: A Support Guide – SASP (supportaftersuicide.org.uk) Support organisations Friends, Families & Travellers Roma Support Group Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: Friends Families and Travellers Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.
Islam Expand Beliefs about death and dying, and life after death Muslims believe in life after death when, on the Last Day, the dead will come back to life to be judged by Allah (God). Some will reside in Paradise, others in Hell. Rituals and customs around death and dying Ritual washing is usually performed by the family or close friends at the Mosque, funeral directors or cemetery. They will wrap the body in a clean cloth or shroud. Muslims are buried, not cremated, ideally within 24 hours of the death. The deceased is buried without a coffin. If this is not possible, a plain coffin is used. The grave is aligned to enable the body of the person who has died to be placed on its right side facing the holy city of Mecca. Muslim graves are usually unmarked but, to meet UK requirements, a simple headstone is used. Expressions of grief and the mourning period Muslims believe that death is a part of Allah’s plan; grief and sadness may be expressed as long as one does not begin to wail, lament or question the decision of Allah. There is an official mourning period of three days when the family will remain at home and be brought food by friends and relatives. People often confuse culture with religion. Islam actually encourages us to talk about our grief and share our emotions and experiences. However, in South Asian culture there are many barriers. Farhana, who is a volunteer with the Muslim Bereavement Support Service Support organisations Gardens of Peace - Bereavement support for men Muslim Bereavement Support Service - Non-profit organisation supporting bereaved Muslim women Lasting Post - Etiquette for a Muslim funeral Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: Mohammed Omer MBE, Gardens of Peace Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.
Orthodox Judaism Expand Beliefs about death and dying, and life after death In the Jewish religion, death is seen as a natural process and as part of God’s plan. Jewish practices following a death aim to ensure respect is shown to the dead but also to provide comfort to the living. Treatment of the body of the person who has died When a Jewish person dies, their body should not be left unattended. The rabbi or the funeral home can help coordinate a Shomer (guardian) who can stay with the body. This may be a family member, a friend or a member of the congregation. There may be more than one Shomer, or people taking turns in acting as Shomer to ensure someone stays with the body at all times. The Shomer may just sit with the body although it is traditional for the Shomer to recite tehillim (psalms). Before burial the body is washed and dressed in simple garments made of linen or cotton. This ritual is known as Tahara, meaning purification. Any jewellery is removed from the body as people are buried as they came into the world, namely without any possessions. People are all considered equal in death. Orthodox males are traditionally buried in their fringed prayer shawl called a Tallit, and their personal prayer books may be placed beside them in the coffin. Funerals and other ceremonies According to Jewish law, the body should be interred as soon as is practical after the death, which means that funeral planning begins immediately. Open caskets are forbidden, and bodies are buried, not cremated. After the burial, a close friend or relative will prepare a first meal for the family of the person who has died. Any faith member will be free to attend a funeral. However, the role of women at funerals may vary between Orthodox and other sects of Jews. Length of and expectations around a mourning period When a Jewish person dies, mourners will recite the prayer Dayan HaEmet, which recognises God’s power as the true judge. There are several periods of mourning beginning with Aninut, which is the time between death and burial. Shiva is the period following the burial which lasts until the seventh day afterwards. Indeed the word 'Shiva' actually means seven. During the Shiva period the immediate family, the official mourners, sit 'in mourning' and receive visitors at pre-arranged times of the day. In the evenings, except for the Sabbath, prayers are recited, and people will attend these prayers to pay their respects. It is customary to wish the mourners 'A Long Life'. Shloshim is the next period of mourning which lasts until the 30th day after the burial, during which time the mourners do not attend celebratory events. Again the word 'Shloshim' actually means thirty. Avelut is the final period of formal mourning which is observed only for the death of a parent. This period lasts for 12 months after the burial and for 11 of those months, starting from the time of the burial, the son of the person who has died (if there is one) recites the mourner’s Kaddish daily. Support organisations Jewish Bereavement Counselling Services Lasting Post - Etiquette for a Jewish funeral Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: Reverend Yigal Wachmann and Anne Kletz, Jewish Faith Chaplains from the Chaplaincy and Spiritual Care Team at Southport and Ormskirk Hospitals NHS Trust Melvyn Hartog, Head of Burial, United Synagogue, London Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.
Sikhism Expand Beliefs about death and dying, and life after death Sikhs believe the soul goes through a cycle of rebirths, with the ultimate objective being to break the cycle and be reunited with God. They believe that the present life is influenced by what happened in previous ones and the current life will set the scene for the next. Expression of grief Mourning amongst the family and their relatives begins immediately and is undertaken discreetly in the family home. White or light colours are worn during mourning. The coffin is taken to the family home where it is left open for friends and family to pay their respects. It is then taken to the Gurdwara where hymns and prayers are sung for the person who has died. If appropriate, food may be brought to the family home as a gesture of help in their time of need. The family remains in mourning for several days after the funeral and may listen to readings from the Guru Granth Sahib (Holy Book). Funerals and customs The body is cremated as soon as possible after death. A short service follows at a crematorium, during which the eldest son (or other child or family member, depending on the family) presses the button for the coffin to move behind the curtain. Any member of the Sikh faith, including women, may attend a funeral, alongside members of other faiths. Both men and women cover their heads at a funeral. After the funeral, prayers and a meal are usually held at the Gurdwara. The ashes may be taken back to India to be scattered. In the UK they may be sprinkled in the sea or a river. Support organisations Sikh Helpline Network of Sikh Organisations Lasting Post: Etiquette for a Sikh funeral Our grateful thanks for their input into this resource to: Suman Mumtaz, Child Bereavement UK Maninder Hayre, Child Bereavement UK Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.