Supporting bereaved families

Working with families who are grieving can feel daunting, especially when a baby or child has died. Some professionals may feel inadequately trained or supported to offer the kind of response they feel families need.

Nothing we can do or say can take away the pain of bereavement, but families tell us of the importance of sensitive care. Poor care can intensify and prolong a family’s distress, whilst care that is sensitive and appropriate can help families in their grief. The effects of this are positive and long-lasting.

Supporting bereaved families includes good communication, responding to their needs in a timely way, and being emotionally self-aware.

It is important to be able to reflect on your own experiences and needs, and your own attitudes to death and dying. This can help you to be aware of your own reactions, and therefore your particular strengths and any weaknesses when supporting others.

Listening and communicating

Listening to others means using all our senses to pick up on what the person is communicating, and it involves much more than just what we are hearing.

Good communication involves:

Having the right environment, preferably where you will not be disturbed.
Being compassionately clear about the time the person or family can have with you to talk. This creates a safe environment where they know what they can expect, and it avoids the interaction ending abruptly.
Listening to the words, the tone of voice and the feelings being conveyed.
Observing body language and facial expressions, and noticing what is not being said as well as what is said.
Showing your interest and empathy through good eye contact, your tone of voice and body language.
Checking with the person that you have both heard and understood the key messages.

Sharing our humanity can make a real difference

Some professionals feel they should have strong emotional control and that it is a weakness to show their emotions in a professional setting. However, as a professional, your emotions often mirror those of the family. If you are genuinely moved by a situation, it is OK to express your feelings with a warm gesture or by saying “I’m sorry”. This shows that you care and also that is it alright for the bereaved person to express their own painful feelings in that setting.

When working with bereaved families, it is generally helpful to mention the person who has died, rather than to avoid the topic. This can help families to feel their loss is acknowledged.

There are no set answers or ways of dealing with a particular situation. We are continually learning from bereaved families and finding new ways in which we can support them.

Child Bereavement UK trains and supports professionals and volunteers whose work brings them into contact with bereaved families.

Traumatic bereavement resources for professionals

The UK Trauma Council has created a portfolio of free resources for school staff, bereavement services and NHS mental health services. Read more

Easy Read guides for adults

Our Easy Read guides on bereavement and funerals present written information for people with difficulty reading. Read more

Supporting children when someone has died - guidance for healthcare professionals

Advice for health professionals on supporting children when someone important to them has died in hospital. Read more

Supporting children when someone is dying

Generally parents or main carers are the best people to talk about sad news with their children. Read more

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Telling a child that someone has died

It is important to tell a child of any age when someone important in their lives has died, and ideally this is done by someone who is closest to them.
Supporting bereaved children and young people

Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. Find out how you can help them and more about child grieving.
Grieving for a child of any age

The agony of losing a child of any age is unparalleled. There is no age or point in time that makes it any easier. No parent expects to face the death of their child and no grandparent expects to lose their grandchild.
When a grandparent dies - the impact on children and young people

The death of a grandparent is often a child or young person’s first encounter with the death of someone important. Parents have a great deal to manage when their own parent or carer dies. There is the grief associated with their own loss, but also the reactions and responses of their children to the death of a grandparent.
Children's understanding of death at different ages

Babies and young children have no understanding of the concept of death yet, long before they are able to talk, babies are likely to react to upset and changes in their environment brought about by the absence of a significant person.
Child Bereavement UK training

Child Bereavement UK designs and delivers training for professionals in health and social care, education, the emergency services and the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families.
Contact us

Contact one of the Child Bereavement UK centres or get in touch with one of our departments.
When your baby dies

When a baby lives only a short time or dies before birth due to miscarriage, stillbirth or a painful decision to end the pregnancy, people may assume that the loss is not important. This is simply not the case.
UK death & bereavement statistics

A parent of children under 18 dies every 22 minutes in the UK; around 23,600 a year. This equates to around 111 children being bereaved of a parent every day.
Sudden death - including accidents, suicide and homicide

Bereavement can be devastating in any situation, but a sudden death brings additional layers of shock, horror or disbelief. We can help, find out more here.